Planning Tips: Managing your Expectations when Planning Your Wedding
Planning a wedding is tough at times, and the starting point can be a little overwhelming.
Managing your expectations means you can relax into it a little more, and prepare and expect to have some bumps in the road - if you’re prepared for things to happen that are less than ideal then this will affect you and your emotions far less.
Vendors
Choosing professional vendors is key. When we talk about professional – we mean vendors who do this for a living and not as a hobby or side hustle. They have the years of experience, proper professional equipment required and happy customers in their back pocket. Not to say those who are side hustles aren’t pro’s – but they are more likely to have the experience behind them (we all started somewhere)!
When you’ve hired them - let them do their jobs. They know what they’re doing you don’t and should not feel like you have to micromanage them. Simply allow them to do what they do, they will give you their best selves and do their best work for you.
Weather
If your wedding relies on their being fine weather – you must have a Plan B. This will not only reduce your anxiety, but at least give you a well thought out option or options as to what will happen if there is a bad weather event. You can’t control this – but you can manage it best you can, and part of that is managing your own expectations.
Family
Family conflicts are tricky. You can’t control how other people behave. If you have difficult family members then you can either manage that situation or exclude them. This is your wedding day, and you can absolutely not invite people who you don’t want there despite there being expectations from others for those people to be invited. This is your day, it isn’t about someone else.
You can either ask another guest to manage any difficult guests on the day, or set some clear boundaries with the guest(s) on what you expect if they are going to be attending. For example, if a guest gets very drunk and makes a spectacle of themselves at other events – then you can set a clear expectation that this isn’t acceptable and you will be advising the bar to limit their alcohol should they not be able to. If they become intoxicated, you will have them removed.
Budget
You see tumbling and abundant florals on Pinterest and stunning lighting and you are fixated on this being replicated for your day. Or maybe you see a designer dress that you MUST have. Then you realise this is far out of your budget.
The majority of weddings in New Zealand cost between $35,000 - $45,000 on average for a typical 80-100 guest wedding. Setting your priorities and figuring out your biggest costs first will help. Typically food is the largest chunk, followed by venue, styling (hire, florals etc), alcohol, photographer and videographer (in somewhat that order). If you have a photographer that is a priority to you and a non-negotiable, but you aren’t so fussed with particular food choices then this may be something to chat to caterers about as to what can potentially work for your budget. Vendors will be able to guide you on the best options because this is what they do – so trust in them to get the best outcomes.
If you only have $40 per head for a guest for the day, then you have to be realistic in what you can expect to get for that. You wouldn’t get canapes, dinner and supper – but you may get a basic buffet main meal, or perhaps having a food truck would be best.
If you have $1000 to spend on florals, then this would likely only get you your bridal party florals and you will have to think about non-floral centrepieces for example (and how to re-use your bouquets perhaps for tables). As always – you get what you pay for, so if quality is important to you then you will be spending a bit more to make sure your expectations are met. Not all florists are the same, e.g. a florist shop vs a wedding and event florist (what The Little Hire Company are) are not the same at all. Those who specialise in weddings and events are more design-focused in general.
Florals
Making sure you are open to discussing your florals is so important. Flowers that are in season, and locally grown are less expensive than importing them in. If you are wanting peonies for example – you have to be getting married in peony season. Taking onboard that extreme weather events also can happen, meaning if you have your heart set on particular flowers this isn’t something a florist can guarantee. Flowers are a natural item and so can be imperfect also. Picking a look and colour scheme and leaving this to your florist means you will get the best outcome as they will select the best flowers to match the brief given what is available the week of your wedding.
Some of this leads on from the budget chat. Florals are expensive, this is perhaps one of the biggest surprises for couples. You don’t know what you don’t know – until you do! Flowers in New Zealand are expensive to buy wholesale, they then must be processed (this is when they are trimmed, and excess leaves taken off them, fluffed out etc), arranged, packaged up beautifully and delivered (not to mention the design work, ordering, collecting, cleaning of buckets and floral area and composting of all greenery before and after the day). So many hours of labour go into creating beautiful flowers and the markup on these is low e.g. 20-30% in New Zealand.
Things will go wrong, and that’s OK
We all have a different version of “going wrong”., or at least things won’t go perfectly. If you go in thinking everything has to be to the ‘T’, there is no doubt there will be something that just doesn’t work to that plan. Life isn’t perfect - and you can always have the perfect day where things don’t go perfectly.
Believe me - I know this! For my own wedding we had a muddy marquee floor, we dealt with potential road closures and having to call multiple people the day prior to work out a solution, we couldn’t pick up our chiller trailer as the connection wouldn’t reach (delaying us 1.5 hours the day before), we couldn’t reach out Airbnb the night prior due to a fallen tree over the road which meant we had to find alternative accommodation 45mins away, at 5pm the night before our wedding. And then on the day we had family dramas, our 5 year old had a massive tantrum and I slipped on a muddy hill in my wedding dress (thankfully at 10.30pm)! Despite all of this - we honestly had the most incredible day and I would do it ALL again in a heartbeat. We had more problems than I had anticipated, and each one I reminded myself that it would make a good story to tell at some stage - and that stage is now!
Embrace that things won’t be perfect, look after yourself in the lead up to your day and remember anything that works against your expectations are only going to make those good stories to laugh about later and make you appreciate all the good times on the day.